Measured by Coffee
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: Some of the significant events in person's life can be measured by coffee...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: Some of the significant events in person's life can be measured by coffee...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, so this story is best understood after you have read my other stories. There is a major spoiler for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_ in this story, so I strongly recommend you at least read the main story arc before reading this story.

**Measured by Coffee Part One: Acceptance**

ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ

22 Mayblossom 1002

It was Seventhday. It was not even fifth hour yet. Why was I awake? Oh, right, because I was invited to join my so-called friends in one of the solariums off the library to...how had Oreius put it? Oh, to "enjoy the early morn" and that sort of stuff (I didn't remember everything else he said, but it must have sounded good because I agreed...that or I'm a gullible idiot...at the moment I was inclined to say the latter). Normally, I'm a decent morning person, but that morning was a different story. It had been long week of training (I really needed to think through the likely consequences of my pranks before pulling them on Oreius...I really did), plus Oreius and I had had a very long Sixthday talk and then I had had nightmare after nightmare when I finally retired. No, I was not having the best morning...I needed coffee.

Walking into the solarium, I noticed that at the moment it was only occupied by Oreius, Ardon, Stonebrook, and his sons, Illusin and Silverstone. Well, Tuulea and Alithia would probably show up soon enough. Stonebrook chuckled as he took in my appearance (simplistic was one word to describe it) and I managed to grin back at him as I toyed with the end of my braid, "Yes, I know, Tuulea will have several things to say about it. But, at least it is not gray or brown." I glanced down at my attire of a simple light blue dress (she would be thrilled I was wearing something other than a tunic with skirt or trousers), and wriggled my bare feet against the cool marble (it was too early for shoes and it was summer so my toes weren't going to fall off). I glanced back up as Oreius opened the doors leading to the balcony and I focused on something more important than my attire. "Please tell me there is coffee somewhere in this room otherwise I will not be able to remember anything said for the next hour."

A more alert person would have noticed that the laughter that was quickly hushed had less to do with my comment and more to do with what one of my "friends" was about to do to me. I was not alert that morning to the conspirators' delight (did I mention I needed coffee or chocolate...or coffee and chocolate?), so I became a victim of their own version of hazing. Ardon walked over to me and silently handed me a mug of what I and my bleary, sleep-deprived state of mind assumed was coffee. I immediately took a huge gulp (oh, how I wished I hadn't)...a second later, the look on my face was apparently hilarious (or so the culprits informed me) as I gagged on...on what I can't even begin to describe, but I knew it wasn't coffee.

I was awake, but it wasn't a happy I-have-my-coffee-all-is-now-right-with-the-world awake. It was more along the lines of a horrified I-don't-know-what-this-is-but-I-think-they-may-have-just-tried-to-kill-me awake. I shook my head then peered at the...contents...of the cup, "What is this?"

Oreius, being the ever so helpful Kentauri he was, just glanced at me and shrugged, "You asked for coffee, did you not?"

I looked from him to the stuff in the cup, which looked remarkably like what I had seen the time the Professor took myself and some other children from the orphanage to the La Brae Tar Pits. I was still examining the stuff as I muttered, "Coffee, yes, and this...this is not coffee. I don't know what it is, but it's bad."

Silverstone, the younger of Stonebrook and Tuulea's sons, made a choking sound and suddenly walked out on to the balcony after I said that and his older brother, Illusin, also looked distinctly amused as Ardon turned to look at me and stated, "It is not that bad, Katerina Alambiel."

I squinted at the contents of the cup with the remarkable resemblance to tar and nodded, "You're right. It's not that bad, it's really very, very, very bad. Well, actually this is just horrifyingly terrible." In case, you didn't notice, I was having a bit of a horrified fascination with the stuff in the cup (I blame the sleep deprivation and the lack of either real coffee or chocolate) and I was not really paying attention to what I was saying. All of which proved to be highly entertaining for the Centaurs (which was good otherwise I would have been in deep trouble).

I pushed some escaping wisps of white hair (recent partial color change I assure you) out of my eyes as I carefully set the cup down then mumbled, "I think it's moving...by itself." Illusin started laughing and I could hear Silverstone laughing out on the balcony while Stonebrook chuckled. I frowned as I looked from Stonebrook to Ardon to Oreius, "Who made this?"

Oreius smirked, "Ardon did."

I blinked at that little bit of information then blurted out the first thing to cross my mind, "On purpose?"

Stonebrook choked and Oreius' entire body shook from the force of his suppressed laugher while Ardon gave me a rather impressive glare as he intoned, "Yes, on purpose, how else does one make coffee?"

I blinked at him (glares aren't very effective on me before six in the morning), "But, this isn't coffee, Ardon. It's, well, it's...okay I cannot actually think of the appropriate word to describe it, so I shall be generous and refer to it as a liquid." I at least had enough alertness to know better than to call it "tar" or "sludge" although it was a close thing. I leaned over to look at it again, "And, it _is_ moving. Right, calling it a liquid isn't being generous, I'm being down right magnanimous to enormous proportions. Why is it moving?"

About this time is when Stonebrook started laughing and his sons just continued laughing, while Oreius gave me a look that was torn between amusement and slight concern (I do not make sense even to myself when I just start talking and am sleep-deprived, caffeine-deprived, and chocolate-deprived, so I can't blame him for being a wee bit concerned). "Katerina, it is not moving. Ardon's coffee is bad, but it has never moved by itself. Wait a minute, where are you going?"

I paused halfway through the door and kind of blinked at the sight of three laughing Centaurs and then Ardon and Oreius who still had some control (it was a bit like a weird dream...except for the stuff Ardon gave me, that was more along the lines of nightmare territory). "I am going to go get coffee that is real coffee and not some barely-liquid thing that keeps moving. By the way, I think it's alive so you should kill it and put it out of its misery." That said I left behind a room full of five Centaurs who were all having laughing fits and wandered my way down to the kitchens.

Twenty minutes later, I was much happier and much more awake as I returned to the solarium carrying a tray with real coffee (my own secret blend) and a lovely gift from the head cook. I was a little relieved to see Tuulea and Alithia had joined the gathering because I was recalling how I had technically insulted Ardon's coffee-making ability (okay, it was more than technically) and I hoped they would protect me if the others changed their minds about how humorous they found everything. Of course, the moment I entered the room and everyone looked at me, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Did you kill it?" Obviously, I need more coffee.

Oreius looked at the floor for a moment (I think he was trying not to burst out laughing like Stonebrook, Illusin, and Silverstone) but Tuulea spoke first, "What are you talking about, Katerina?"

I raised an eyebrow when I noticed Oreius and Ardon exchange a look that was suspiciously guilty before Oreius ran a hand over his beard, "She is referring to the coffee she had a little while ago."

I rolled my eyes as I carried my tray over to the table, "That was not coffee. _This_ is coffee."

I carefully poured my coffee into four cups and offered two to Tuulea and Alithia who looked at it and then Alithia rolled her eyes as she realized what they had done. "Did you really do that to her? Honestly, it was bad enough when you did it to the Kings."

I raised my cup to hide the grin sneaking out as Ardon held up both hands, "It was momentary and it is tradition...and it was Oreius' idea."

I quickly stifled a laugh as Oreius shrugged and then I asked, "So, you traditionally try to poison people with barely-liquid stuff that is somehow alive because it moves by itself?"

Laughter started up around us again, this time with Tuulea and Alithia joining in, as Oreius grinned at me, "No. However, we made it a tradition to trick new knights into drinking Ardon's unpalatable coffee, including the Kings. However, you are the first to retaliate by bringing in someone else's coffee."

I blinked in surprise as I realized I had just gone through a hazing ritual...and, apparently, I had passed. Why had they waited until I had been a knight for nearly two months before doing it? I had no idea and I didn't want to ask, instead I poured two more cups of coffee as Ardon and Stonebrook had absconded with the ones I had already poured and silently offered one to Oreius. Once I saw the surprised enjoyment on each face, I smiled and casually corrected Oreius' assumption. "Actually, I didn't bring someone else's coffee. I mixed up my own special blend, which is _real_ coffee no matter how you look at it." Not one of them argued with that statement.

Oreius chuckled then raised an eyebrow as he finally noticed what else was on the tray I had brought in, "Sepphora, what is that?"

I smirked, "That would be a bag with the rest of my special blend, which is next to my breakfast. Oh, and you cannot call me 'Sepphora' today because it is Seventhday and I will not answer you after this moment if you try calling me that again."

Oreius raised both eyebrows as he looked from me to the gift the head cook had presented to me for my breakfast, "You are going to eat cake for breakfast. Why?"

I shrugged as I happily turned my attention to the plate, "Actually, I am going to eat chocolate cake for breakfast. And, mainly because I'm hungry. Besides, real coffee and chocolate puts me in a very good mood, so I'll forgive you for plaguing me with that barely-liquid stuff which should never be labeled as coffee and I will not start a coup."

Oreius just shook his head and laughed along with the others who had once again dissolved into laughing fits at our conversation. Of course, I thought it was ironic that I was able to mark my full initiation into knighthood by two senior knights with coffee. Oh well, there were worst things (though not many) than suffering that single gulp of that barely-liquid stuff that was definitely not coffee. That Seventhday morning, I enjoyed coffee, chocolate, laughter, and good conversation with friends before I delved back into searching through piles of records and genealogies...it was a good way to start the day.

ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ

**A/N: Please Read and Review! Well, I'm trying my hand at a new genre...humor, and yes, this is part of my way to make up for the angst I caused with my last story. This is a three-shot look at three defining moments in Katerina's first six months as a knight. Hopefully, you enjoyed it. Click the little review button below and let me know what y'all thought about it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: Some of the significant events in person's life can be measured by coffee...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, so this story is best understood after you have read my other stories. There is a major spoiler for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_ in this story, so I strongly recommend you at least read the main story arc before reading this story.

**Measured by Coffee Part Two: Tolerance**

ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ

20 Fairdawn 1002

It was Thirdday. It was just past eighth hour and I had not gone to training. Why? Because the training schedule of both Kings and myself was decidedly less rigid when we were not at the Cair (in spite of Oreius' best efforts...and threats...that were only ever aimed at me for some strange reason). That particular summer morning the three of us were in the northern lands of Narnia inspecting the progress being made on restoring (more like rebuilding, I don't care what Peter said) the old hunting lodge. Edmund had insisted on coming when he heard that Peter intended to come back up here, and I had surprised pretty much everyone when I accepted Peter's invitation to come with them (Oreius and Ardon were both going and they didn't want me to do something gleefully...reckless...while they were gone). Considering it had only been three months since we were last here and that visit had gone rather poorly (all I can say is Murphy had had a field day...and it hurt), I suppose I can't be too surprised that certain people (Oreius, Ardon, Sherket, Alithia, etc., etc.) were concerned about how Peter and I would react to going back. Okay, okay, they were mainly worried about me because Peter had spent most of the last visit unconscious (at least through a good chunk of the worst parts) while I had gained white streaks to my hair because of what I went through (yes, I had white hair before I turned twenty, not by much but still... Did I mention I hate Murphy?). However, I had already confronted the demons of my past with the help of a friend who promised to be my main shield, so I knew I was going to be fine (especially since I had plans that would distract me from dwelling on unpleasant things).

The morning after we arrived at the lodge I decided it would be a good time to finally get revenge on the two evil senior knights who had tried to poison me with their barely-liquid stuff that was definitely not coffee and should never have been labeled coffee. The only people knew about my diabolical plan (yes I have them and I sometimes enact them too) were the head cook at the Cair, Kori of the Eastern Valley Red Dwarf clan, (she had been more than happy to help me collect the supplies I needed to pull it off) and myself. After nearly a month since their actions against me, I knew they weren't really expecting me to enact my diabolical plan of revenge and they had assumed that because we were away from the Cair that I wouldn't do anything or have the supplies to do so. Oh, how wrong they were. I grinned as I pulled on my boots then ducked out of the tent (I do love coming up with diabolical plans).

I was usually a morning person so Peter didn't really comment on my grin (yes, I was able to keep it from being even slightly evil this time), instead he had a completely different matter on his mind, though he took his time to actually mention it. "Oh there you are, Kat. You seem to be in a more...cheerful...mood this morn. Though not enough to join us in inspecting the struchtúr, I take it."

I put my hands on my hips and responded in Irish, "Diúltú dom dul isteach go carn shoddy rith síos de chloch go bhfuil tú ag éileamh do roinnt chúis a thaisceadh go dtí go bhfuil a thuilleadh poll níos mó ná an díon agus tá sé i ndáiríre cosúil le foirgneamh fíor críochnaithe agus ní nóiméad roimh ré." (I refuse to go into that shoddy run-down pile of stone that you for some reason claim is a lodge until there is no longer a hole bigger than the roof and it actually looks like a real finished building and not a moment beforehand.)

I laughed softly when Peter stared at me then nodded, "That's what I thought." There was no way he knew what I had said, but my tone had obviously made my feelings clear on the matter of visiting that struchtúr. He saw me glance at the coffee pot hanging over the fire. "Oh, Oreius made that about ten minutes ago. He said you should help yourself if you so choose."

Fresh pot of coffee? How perfect. I barely kept myself from showing any sign of glee as I casually asked, "So, where did the grouchy duo head off to?"

Peter grinned at my current title for Oreius and Ardon (they had been very grouchy when they realized I intended to wiggle my way out of any training exercise they attempted to put me through...and it had worked so far). "Well, they went to check with the night watch before they officially allow those of us willing to inspect the progress of the lodge to get started with our inspection." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye when he said that, but I just ignored him. I would inspect the lodge when it was finished being rebuilt and there was actually something to inspect (besides why would I want to look at a struchtúr with more holes in it than Swiss cheese?) and not a moment beforehand. I quickly calculated how much time I probably had with Oreius the overprotective and more than a little paranoid Kentauri essentially doing a security check and decided I still had enough time to pull off my diabolical plan.

"Kat?" Oops, I had accidentally tuned Peter out when I made my calculations...not good.

I gave him a quick grin, "Sorry, I, um, got lost in thought for a minute. What were you saying?"

He grinned back at me as he announced in rather satisfied tones. "Well, I was just informing you that I discussed it with Oreius and Ardon this morn and we came to the conclusion that it is your turn to wake Edmund up."

I blinked at him in surprise and mild confusion before I suddenly realized this was another way they had decided to tease me and initiate me further into their lives as knights. Edmund was not a morning person...at all. I had watched him hiss and growl and even snarl every morning we had been on this little journey and even I was less than enthusiastic about trying my hand at waking him (in spite of the fact that I had thoroughly enjoyed watching Peter, Oreius, and Ardon deal with waking the younger king...yes, I am a hypocrite). I frowned and tapped my chin as I tried to think of a way to wake Edmund without becoming a target for his snarling displeasure while also still being able to pull off my revenge on Oreius and Ardon. I hid an evil grin as I realized how I could do both and feigned a put-upon sigh as I looked at Peter who was still smirking (my acting skills impress me sometimes...I should have gotten an Oscar or at least a nomination for several of my performances). "Very well, I shall take care of it. In thirty minutes, your brother will be up and about. I guarantee it."

Peter didn't say it out loud but the skeptical look he failed to completely hide made it very clear that he did not believe me. I just grinned and ducked back inside my tent to dig through the saddlebags and find the two small bags I needed. Peter had wandered over to speak to Philip (probably about how I planned to wake Edmund up), so I had more than ample opportunity to dump the contents of the smallest bag into the other coffee pot and mix it in while also pulling out my own coffee pot (I insisted on bringing it after they tried to poison me with that noxious barely-liquid that was definitely not coffee). Speaking of the evil senior knights, I heard them come up about fifteen minutes after I had casually shifted the coffee pots so my excellent special blend (yes, I brag about my coffee) could start heating up while still keeping the other coffee from cooling down.

"What are you doing, Sepphora?" Yep, the Kentauri was still in a somewhat grouchy mood since he didn't even wait until after I had eaten or had my coffee before calling me by my chivalric title.

I didn't even bother to look at him (something that bugs him when he's being a grouch) as I replied in a very dry tone, "Waking Edmund, Cyneward." Well, if he was going to use my chivalric title, I saw no reason to _not_ address him by his chivalric title (considering it meant "royal guard" it was very fitting...not that I would tell _him_ that).

Ardon coughed in an attempt to keep from laughing (for some reason, he thinks it's hilarious when Oreius and I go at each other like this...might have something to do with the fact that Oreius is at least twice my size and I still go toe to...hoof...with him). I ignored him; I'm not sure what Oreius did as I was concentrating on my coffee...and hoping the Centaurs didn't go for their coffee before I at least had a cup of my own. Oreius apparently decided to ignore Ardon too as he focused on me while my coffee finally got closer to the perfect temperature and the most delicious smell started to fill the air around the campfire (I love the smell of my coffee), "And, exactly how are you waking Edmund if you are just making coffee?"

I finally looked over my shoulder at the Kentauri and grinned, "The answer is in the question. Watch and see, Kentauri." He rolled his eyes at me but both he and Ardon walked over to where Peter was standing with Philip leaving me to wait patiently for the coffee to finish. I suspected that they were both filling him in on the report from the night watch and discussing what my crazy plan for waking Edmund up could possibly be. I smiled as I took a deep whiff of my coffee as it finally reached perfection and I nudged the other coffee pot again just to make sure it didn't burn (honestly just how black does Oreius like his coffee? 'Til burned? Or, maybe until it would give a Marine heartburn?).

I heard a distinct hiss coming from the tent that the Kings shared as I poured myself a cup of steaming, heavenly coffee and then I poured another cup as Edmund staggered out of the tent looking disgruntled, ruffled (he had a _major_ case of bedhead), and half-asleep. I didn't say a word, just held up the other cup of coffee in silent offering as Edmund finally reached where I was sitting in front of the fire. He didn't even growl at me (which was actually a good sign) as he took it and then turned around and staggered back towards the tent as he drank it. I shrugged and turned my attention back to enjoying my own cup of coffee when Edmund managed to surprise everyone (including me) as he suddenly reversed direction and walked back to where I was sitting and silently held out his now-empty cup (the boy apparently really needed that coffee), which I obligingly filled and then he leaned down, pecked me on the cheek, and said, "Thank you, Kat."

I nearly fell off the log I was sitting on from the shock and then I just started to laugh as I watched Oreius, Ardon, and Peter stare perplexed at where Edmund had disappeared into the tent. Not only did I get Edmund up with very little effort or hassle on my part, but he also acted civilly within five minutes of stirring. Of course, if it had been anyone other than Edmund, who had the protection of being a rather young eleven-year-old boy, I would have decked them for kissing me without permission (I had done it before and for less than a peck on the cheek). However, I had to admit that I've a soft spot for the younger two of the four royals in particular, so they got away with a bit more than I usually allowed.

I contained my laughter as the doubting trio walked over and Peter just shook his head, "I cannot believe he just did that. Is your coffee really the good?"

I grinned at the question and at the sight of Oreius reaching for _his_ coffee pot (the truly entertaining part of my morning coffee was about to begin), "Yes, yes it is." I decided to cover my bases as Oreius poured out two cups (it was a little funny how the Centaurs would drink wine with their actual breakfast and then follow all that up with coffee...my theory was they partially did it keep the sense of camaraderie going with the three of us who did not drink wine with breakfast). "You know you could just have some of my coffee. What if yours burned?"

Oreius should have paid attention to the warning behind my words, but instead he dismissed them. Oh well, sometimes people (and the Kentauri in particular) just had to learn the hard way to read the message behind my actual spoken words. I was going to enjoy this lesson. I smirked softly and mumbled into my coffee, "Fair warning, Kentauri."

He either didn't hear me or he chose to ignore me, given how often he usually caught my mutterings, I strongly suspect it was the latter. However, I knew the minute he realized what I had done to the coffee, which was about a second before Ardon realized the same thing. They both started choking and coughing, their eyes were watering, and it was one of the funniest sights I had ever seen. Of course, there was the slightest possibility that it might have been one of the last sights I would ever see, so I enjoyed the moment even more. Edmund had reemerged from his tent in time to see it and both Kings gave me an incredulous look as I failed to keep my laughter smothered, which I probably shouldn't have done as it immediately drew the attention of my victims to me. However, in my defense, the looks on their faces when they tasted the little addition I planted in their coffee could have gone right along with the finale of the 1812 Overture and it was absolutely hilarious. Even Centaurs were not immune to the powers of habanero chili peppers (well, the Narnian equivalent of them anyway) and I had my revenge for that horrid excuse for liquid they had tortured me with the month before.

They were still trying to recover from unexpectedly hot, _hot_ coffee so the glares of doom they managed to give me weren't nearly as effective as they wished it would be...on me. Peter and Edmund were taking no chances that _they_ would be blamed for my diabolical plan of revenge by tossing each of the gasping Centaurs a full water skin. As soon as they grabbed those skins, I decided to make a run for it as my sense of self-preservation finally kicked in and I realized Oreius, in particular, was probably really, really, _really_ furious with me (bit like he was in the immediate aftermath of the flour incident only this time he was the intentional target). I looked up, grinned (because I couldn't resist taunting them one last time), and then I launched from my seat into a flat-out run.

It wasn't yet ninth hour and I was already running for my life. I sprinted into the forest and spent several minutes dodging (barely) Oreius' grasp. I was so thankful that I had more energy than normal Humans because otherwise I would have been exhausted and caught within the first ten minutes at the longest. The one problem with running for one's wellbeing (if not life) from the General of the Army who also happened to be a very fast Centaur is he could easily get the other soldiers to help catch you...me, which would make avoiding him until he cooled off very tricky. Fortunately, for me, Oreius did not order the soldiers to do anything other than their already assigned duties, but Ardon had a different idea.

I barely had time to jump over the Tiger who appeared in my path, it had to be Kumbali because his cousin, Sarti, would have managed to move in the wrong direction and trip me (he had done it before). He ran alongside me to deliver his message. "Captain Ardon says you should keep running until you can climb, Dame Sepphora."

"Great." I hid a wince as we sprinted towards a copse of Aspen trees, Ardon sending a warning meant Oreius hadn't kept his sense of humor at all. I was going to die. "Any suggestions?"

Kumbali inhaled then he gave me a rather wide-eyed look, "I can smell him coming towards us. Perhaps three minutes is all you have now."

I was afraid he would say that, I waved at Kumbali in silent thanks before I abruptly turned to the right and ran further into the thicker underbrush. A large Black Elder tree loomed up on my right and I quickly took a running leap to grab one of the overhanging branches. I hauled myself up and carefully climbed further up the tree, so there would be more foliage between myself and the seething Kentauri if he passed by. Not even three full minutes later, the seething Kentauri did stalk his way by my hiding place and I held my breath when he stopped and scowled up at the branches of various trees before he finally moved on (he knew I would climb one, he just didn't know which one). I decided the best thing for me to do was to wait in the safety of the canopy for a little while before I made a break for the lake.

After twenty minutes of sitting in a tree and being rather bored, I decided enough time had passed for it to be relatively safe for me to get down. However, I took care to scan my surroundings and move to a neighboring tree before hopping to the ground. No angry Centaurs came charging out of the bushes, so I headed for the lake. Oreius had probably calmed down anyway...or so I hoped.

I was only a yard and a thin line of bushes away from the lake as I could hear the waterfall clearly, but it wasn't deafening yet. I made it a step past the bushes when I saw a flash of orange right before Sarti crashed into my legs causing me to fall over. The young Tiger was a true rookie in the army as this was only the third time he had been away from the Cair as part of the royal escort (our last trip to this place had been his first time as an official escort and had been quite a learning curve) and he wasn't always the best at maintaining his stealth when he became very excited (not to mention he liked it when I was provoked enough to speak in Irish instead of English, so he sometimes did things to get me to speak Irish). "Dame Sepphora!" And, he had difficulty with volume as well. "Dame Sepphora!"

"Shh!" I gently grabbed the Tiger's muzzle after I regained my feet, "Quietly, Sarti. I am trying to avoid Oreius, remember? Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?"

His eyes widened slightly as I let go of his muzzle and he rasped, "That the General is behind you."

As soon as he said that, the Tiger crouched low against the ground, and I knew Oreius was _literally_ _right behind_ _me_. Well, I was in trouble. I started to turn to see if I might talk my way out of it when a pair of large hands clamped down on my waist and I barely had the time to wish I wasn't seeing or feeling those hands before I went flying through the air. I shrieked in surprise as I flew through the air and landed in the lake with a lot less grace than I usually dove in with (but thankfully no belly flops).

I quickly took a deep breath right before I landed and sank a good seven feet before my momentum slowed and I started a swift scissor kick towards the shore. While most bodies of water in Narnia had Naiads in them at one time of the year or another, not every single lake had Naiads just as there were many divine Trees with their Dryads but not every tree was connected to a Dryad. Here in the north, the divine Waters and Trees are fewer in number, thanks in no small part to Jadis, and this lake was not in their number. Of course, the problem with the lake having no Naiads was that if I had not been able to swim, Oreius had thrown me out far enough that I might have been in trouble. I surfaced close to the rocky ledge jutting out over the water, which was near where Oreius was standing frowning at the lake's surface, and caught the last bit of Ardon's rather pointed question, "She can swim, can't she, Oreius?"

I decided to spare them the burden of worrying over whether I drowned or not and dove again so I could surface in front of them. "I can actually. Lucky for you. After all, it would probably look bad if a knight of Narnia who happened to be the General of the Army drowned his student who also happened to be a knight of Narnia."

Oreius glared at me (he was glad to see me alive and well, I could tell) and I grinned at him as I gave a lazy kick to keep my head above water, "I gave you fair warning."

"No, you made a cryptic statement that didn't merit any attention until after I found out what you had done."

I grinned, "Like I said, fair warning."

Oreius glared down at me, "How was that fair warning, Sepphora?"

"I told you that you should just have some of my coffee instead and I warned you it might be _burned_."

Both Centaurs' eyes widened and they exchanged a surprised look before looking back down at where I was still bobbing in the lake. Oreius growled out a single word, "What?"

I took a wild guess that he was asking what I had put in the coffee, "Well, I mixed in powdered pepper seeds, you know, those really hot ones from the Isles? Kori gave me a bag about the size of my fist and I dumped it all into the coffee pot."

Oreius just stared at me in disbelief and I was glad I hadn't climbed out of the lake yet because he probably would have tossed me right back in...if I was fortunate. Then, he closed his eyes, hung his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed. After a minute, he muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like "shield" to my ears (I think he was reminding himself why he couldn't strangle me). I grinned at Ardon and he shook his head at me before leaning to offer me his hands. I accepted the help and allowed him to pull me out of the lake. Oreius was ignoring me as I brushed some wet strands of hair out of my face (my braided chignon had actually survived my unexpected swim for the most part) and sat down to tug off my waterlogged boots. Ardon tossed a towel over my head (which I promptly jerked off my head so I could wrap it around my shoulders...no idea why he had it, but then Ardon had started to plan ahead for the consequences of my baiting Oreius) and then he looked at Oreius who turned towards us as Sarti crept up to sit by me. Well, Sarti was sitting beside me until Oreius raised an eyebrow at us and then he ducked behind me as if I could hide the overgrown fur ball. Oreius ignored the Tiger as he addressed Ardon (okay, he ignored me too), "If you would, Ardon, go ahead and accompany the Kings as we planned." Ardon nodded and left, pausing only when Oreius growled his next instruction, "Sarti, you will accompany the Captain and stay close to your cousin." Sarti glanced at me then quickly trotted off in Ardon's wake...at least he didn't get into any real trouble. Oreius finally looked down at where I was still sitting on the ground and raised an eyebrow, "Have you nothing to say, Sepphora?"

I looked at him then gestured to the lake, "Cén fáth a dhéanann tú é sin?" (Why did you do that?)

Oreius gave me an annoyed look as he intoned, "You know I have no idea what you just said, Katerina Alambiel."

I shrugged as I stood and moved my boots to sit on a rock so they could dry off, "Basically I asked why you threw me in the lake."

Oreius didn't so much as blink as he deadpanned, "Because I couldn't strangle you."

"Well, when you put it that way, Kentauri." He smirked at my tone as I climbed up onto a large flat boulder, the top of which was level with his shoulder, and stretched out on the towel in order to allow the sun to dry me out too.

"Why?"

I snickered as I rested my head on my arms, "Actually it was more a question of "Why Not?" And, it was revenge for that awful barely-liquid stuff you tried to poison me with last month."

Oreius gave me such an incredulous look that I nearly dissolved into laughter again and then I did lose it when he finally spoke in a tone that revealed just how much I had irritated and then perplexed him that morning. "You mean you purposefully chose to ignore the common sense Aslan somehow managed to misplace in your skull for revenge over a prank!"

I raised my head and smothered my laughter long enough to give a firm nod. "Sounds about right, although I think the misplacement bit is a little harsh."

"You...you are an annoying, irritating, and insane little pest. Who puts powdered pepper into other people's coffee?"

"Well, I do, obviously. And, yes I know I can be a pest, it's one of my talents...I thought you knew that by now." Oreius just shook his head at me and I rested my head on my arms again as I added thoughtfully, "Besides, my behavior, as crazy as some might find it, achieved both of my goals for the morn."

Oreius frowned then he raised an eyebrow, "You mean you did this so you would get your revenge and have a legitimate excuse to avoid going into the lodge."

I had to give him credit for figuring out my other goal so quickly but I just rolled my eyes at him. "I refuse to go into that struchtúr before it actually looks like a lodge inside and out and no longer has more holes than a sieve."

Oreius shook his head again, "There were easier ways to accomplish that goal."

I grinned, "I know but this was so much more entertaining."

"You, Katerina Alambiel, are insane."

I laughed, "I know."

We fell silent for perhaps an hour or so and then Oreius broke it (and my light doze...running for one's wellbeing and then swimming unexpectedly was tiring work) with an unexpected comment. "I should learn this Irish of yours."

I blinked at him in bewilderment then propped my chin in my hand, "Cén fáth?"

He looked out over the lake before answering, "So, at least _I_ know what exactly you are ranting about when you quit speaking the language we all understand."

I scowled at him as I sat up and allowed my legs to dangle off the edge of the boulder. "I don't rant. I make emphatic observations."

He smirked as I hopped down from the boulder and collected the forgotten towel while I tugged my boots back on before we headed back to camp. "Well, whatever you call it, you still should have someone who knows what you are saying."

I mulled over the two choices I had, then I gave in (after all, calling him names in a language he didn't understand was only so much fun...much better reactions when he knew what I was saying). "Very well, I'll teach you Irish, Kentauri. I suppose we can start this next Sixthday." I couldn't resist teasing him a little further so I paused then grinned up at him just as we reached the camp, "So, can I do it again tomorrow if I don't add as much pepper powder?"

He gave the look that said he thought I had completely lost my mind...again, "No."

"Oh, but-"

"No."

"But, I-"

"No."

"I-"

"Katerina Alambiel Sepphora, I just said no and stop asking before you find yourself in the lake again."

All I was going to do was offer him some of my coffee. I didn't even have any of the powder left after all. I shrugged silently (the silent part made Oreius rather happy...the grouch) and went to make another pot of my special blend. Edmund had apparently drunk every drop of the original pot before accompanying Peter to the lodge that was not really a lodge. Oreius had watched my every move while I mixed up the pot, which was probably the only reason he accepted my peace offering of coffee. A prank involving coffee may have been a bit crazy, but in reality, I just marked it as the day I was further initiated into the camaraderie, the close friendship, shared by the six other knights of Narnia if only because I ruined the senior knights' coffee and didn't get myself flattened. Some milestones are more important to me than anyone who heard this particular story might understand, but such is the way of things and I could still measure it by two cups of _hot_ coffee and two cups of perfect coffee.

ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ

**A/N: Please Read and Review! Okay, so still humor but of a slightly different kind than last chapter...hopefully y'all still enjoyed it. The line about Katerina choosing to ignore the common sense Aslan misplaced in her skull is actually adapted from a comment Lady Firewing made (concerning Kat), kudos to her for coming up with something I couldn't resist sharing after I fell off furniture laughing when I first read it. Click the little button below and let me know what you thought about this chapter. Was it good, bad, indifferent, or just plain weird?**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: Some of the significant events in person's life can be measured by coffee...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, so this story is best understood after you have read my other stories. There is a major spoiler for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_ in this story, so I strongly recommend you at least read the main story arc before reading this story.

**Measured by Coffee Part Three: Anniversary Absurdity**

ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ

6 Sunbend 1002

You know how you can spend an inordinate amount of time planning the perfect event (in this case, it was a prank...naturally) and then in a split second all your work goes to waste because the one thing you never expected or, more importantly, never planned to happen is what happened? That's pretty much what transpired on the first Sixthday of the month of Sunbend...I put all the blame on Murphy and his law. I really need to find a way to stop having these Moments of Murphy...at least this one didn't involve Werewolves (for some reason most of my Moments of Murphy include Werewolves in some manner or another...still haven't figured out why).

As I said, it was Sixthday and it was nearly teatime (aka the hour of unexpected mayhem on that particular day)...I didn't usually partake in teatime if I could avoid it. Of course, that afternoon I couldn't avoid it because Lucy and Susan had both pounced on me two weeks beforehand and promptly informed me that if I absolutely refused (which I did and still do) to allow them to throw a banquet marking the first anniversary of my arrival (or return or...you know, it's rather confusing, so let's stick with calling it my arrival) in Narnia, then I must allow them to have a "lovely tea" with myself and their brothers on the five-month anniversary of my knighting. The actual anniversary was the day before, but a lengthy afternoon of handling court affairs had prompted Susan to make the decision to move the tea back a day...something I didn't mind in the least.

As teatime neared, I was busy prepping a prank that I was gleefully targeting at the Kentauri. I had been rather well behaved since I had dumped the Narnian-equivalent of powdered habenero peppers into his and Ardon's coffee back in June...err, Fairdawn, so about seven weeks of good behavior (impressive, I know). Admittedly, that was partially due to the fact that Oreius had been gone from the Cair for almost a month and all I could really do was tease him a little with some of the things I wrote in a couple messages to him that I included in the reports he ordered me to fill out (I hate paperwork). With Oreius gone first on patrol (no member of the army was exempt from these patrols except for the Kings...I wasn't exempt, I just wasn't allowed to go...can't imagine why) and then he had returned from the patrol only to turn around and leave immediately for the Centaur lands in the southwestern region of Narnia, I admit to being rather bored (no surprise there). I had distracted myself by spending more time in the healing ward improving my knowledge of Narnian medicine under Alithia's supervision (I knew some old school techniques used in the other world by traditional herbalists and my own field medicine training course in both worlds, so this was easy for me to pick up). Alithia insisted that at least one person know more than the basic field medicine all soldiers learn (apparently Ardon doesn't count) and since I had already shown an aptitude for healing, I was it. I suppose I should consider it a compliment that Alithia thought I was most likely to be the one still capable of doing this stuff after a fight...or she just meant that the Kings, in particular, had worse luck than I did.

Anyway, Ardon had come to the healer's ward at just past noon with the news that Oreius should be arriving in the Cair no later than five that evening and I decided I would go out of my way to welcome the Kentauri back. I had known Oreius long enough that I knew he probably hadn't gotten anywhere near the amount of rest he actually needed, I believe my exact words at the news he was practically back were "You know someone is going to have to drug him to get the stubborn Kentauri to slow down enough to actually rest." Ardon and Alithia had both given me amused looks before Ardon left and Alithia waited just long enough for the echo of his hoof beats down the corridor to fade. Then, she turned to me with a look of pure mischief and promptly noted that I really should learn how to mix up a sedative that could be slipped into any drink, from water to coffee, and was actually strong enough to be almost immediately effective on a Centaur. Have I mentioned that Alithia is scary but I love the way she thinks, especially when I am not the target of her plotting? So, with a little help (not to mention encouragement and blessing) from Alithia, I would make Oreius welcome with a good (i.e., strong, very strong) sleeping draught added to a pot of coffee…

I had mixed the actual sleeping draught down in the healing ward under Alithia's supervision, but I didn't add it to the pot of coffee I had snatched from the kitchens until I was back in my rooms. I needed to let the draught steep in the coffee for about two and a half hours before it would be at its full potency, which was fine. After all, I had noticed that when the boneheaded Stallion was trying to pretend that he had no need for mortal amenities like sleep, he would forgo any type of coffee except for straight-up black coffee that was so black it would make a Marine cry.

Of course, since I had no desire for there to be an unconscious Kentauri in my parlor, I planned to bring the coffee with me when we met in the solarium (leaving Oreius unconscious in the solarium off the library being so much more practical). Leaving the coffee to steep, I was more than satisfied with how my plan was already working out. However, the drugged coffee meant I had to run back down to the kitchens to fetch a pot of tea and another pot of coffee since the Four were going to be joining me in my rooms for this teatime. I had only left for a few minutes, ten at the very most, but that was all the time Murphy needed to cause a moment of unexpected mayhem albeit in one of the strangest ways I had witnessed up to that moment.

I expected to be nearly tackled by the energetic rabbit on a sugar-high that was Lucy. I expected to hear Edmund and Peter teasing me about training that morning. I expected to hear Susan kindly telling me that I didn't really have to bring both tea and coffee myself. Walking through the doors to my rooms, I expected everything, no, anything, except what greeted me...utter silence. The last time that had happened Peter and Edmund had managed to dump a bucket of water on me and I had chased them all the way down to the beach before I tackled them into the surf...and then returned the favor the next morning with a bucket of mud balanced on the door to their shared room. That particular episode was highly entertaining to the guards who watched as Narnia's newest knight chased down the kings while sputtering in a fit of Irish rage. It was probably a good thing that no one but me understood what I was saying since threatening to draw and quarter the two morons wasn't exactly the best thing for a knight to say. In light of what happened that day, I kind of wish that Peter and Edmund playing an ill-thought prank on me had really been the reason for the silence...but it wasn't.

I freely admit that I nearly dropped the tray after I nudged the doors closed with my foot and finally looked to see what was making the four royals be so quiet. They were all sitting on the settee, Lucy and Susan in the middle with Edmund and Peter bracketing them, but they were sort of slumped against each other. At first, I wasn't even sure if they were breathing and all I could think was "Oh no, they're dead." I carefully set the tray down then I glanced at the floor where a cup had fallen or been dropped and the realization of what must have happened hit me with all the force of a charging Centaur (an analogy that I've unfortunate familiarity with). For whatever reason, the four of them had sampled the coffee I had added the sleeping draught to...probably because Edmund was the only one of the Pevensies to sample my special blend of coffee and if they had assumed that the drugged coffee was my coffee... Forget about the Four being dead, _I_ was going to be dead because Oreius was going to kill me for letting this happen.

I hesitated then I walked over and poked Peter in the shoulder...nothing. I carefully pushed his head up from where it had been resting against the settee then removed my hand, which produced the new result of Peter's head flopping down in the opposite direction to bounce against Susan's head…and not a single reaction to that little feat. Great...the coffee had been drugged with a Centaur in mind so obviously it wouldn't take hardly anything to knock out four Human children. But, since it wasn't anywhere near full potency yet, maybe that meant it wouldn't last as long as it would have... I tapped my chin as I desperately tried to think of whether there was something important for the Four to do on Firstday (other than training for Peter and Edmund). I knew a delegation from the Lone Islands was supposed to arrive the following Sixthday, but I was certain that they would have recovered from the accidental drugging by then...at least I hoped so. Staring at the four essentially motionless monarchs, I gave up on trying to hide this completely and quietly peeked out into the hall. Fortunately, I spotted Sherket coming up the hall by herself and I took advantage of the opportunity to call to her. "Sherket, might I ask a favor of you?"

Sherket stopped and looked at me as I blocked the view into my parlor with my body as casually as possible (thank goodness, this wasn't going to be considered unusual behavior...for me), then she nodded. "Of course, Katerina, how may I help?"

I suddenly had the inexplicable urge to laugh, but I managed to maintain control as I replied. "If it's not too much of a bother, I was wondering if you might let Alithia know that I would greatly appreciate some further input on the project we were discussing earlier." Sherket gave me an odd look, but, Aslan bless her, she nodded once again and headed off to deliver my message to Alithia without another question. I closed the door and sighed in relief. At least, Alithia would be able to confirm how long their majesties would be out before Oreius arrived back and found out what had happened.

I walked back over to the settee while I waited for Alithia to show up and the humor of the situation was starting to register. And, I couldn't resist experimenting with the opportunity I had been presented with... I carefully moved Lucy and Susan so they were leaning against each other and the boys were leaning in opposite directions. I looked down at Edmund and tilted him further towards the armrest of the settee, which resulted in Edmund's completely limp body slumping forward so I had to catch him. Catching a limp eleven-year-old was an awkward move, especially with his head and arm flopping over my shoulder, but I finally managed to shove him back onto the settee. I winced on Edmund's behalf when his head suddenly tilted backwards and landed with a solid thunk against the back of the settee.

It was a rather absurd situation when I noticed that Peter was still sprawled on the opposite end of the settee and I just picked up his arm and tilted it upright, which resulted in a rather floppy wave. I grinned in spite of myself and shook my head at the unconscious quartet. "You four really need to learn to _not_ help yourselves to the beverages I leave in my rooms, especially since they may or may not have additional ingredients meant for pranks on others than yourselves." I laughed softly as I watched Peter's arm flop around before I dropped my hold and his arm bounced against the armrest.

In spite of my growing amusement at the sheer absurdity of having the four monarchs of Narnia passed out on my settee in a startlingly accurate impression of limp ragdolls, I was more than a little relieved when I heard hoof beats echoing on the other side of the door. Thank goodness, Alithia was finally coming. I glanced at the water clock on my mantel and absently wondered why it took her about twenty minutes to come when I had expected her to show up at least five, if not ten, minutes sooner. My relief shriveled up and died when the doors opened and Alithia stepped into the room with Ardon and...Oreius right behind her. He was back early. I was going to die.

Alithia glanced from me to the Royals then back to me and I glanced over at the innocent-looking pot of coffee responsible for all this...and she rolled her eyes at me. It wasn't my fault. Oreius broke the silence, "Sepphora, they had better not be dead."

I scowled at him, "Don't be ridiculous, Oreius. Of course, they aren't dead." I paused and picked up Peter's arm and allowed it to drop again. "They're just a little...limp at the moment."

I happily moved out of the way as Alithia checked the unconscious quartet over. Unfortunately, even though he denies needing the same sort of sleep we mere mortals need, Oreius' humor tends to take an abrupt nosedive when he comes back from long trips like the one he had that month. He glared at me, "What did you do?"

I shrugged, "I didn't do anything...on purpose." Oreius managed to glare harder (he was not in a good mood at all) and I decided to attempt a little self-preservation. "Well, if you want to focus on the boring details, I might have accidentally managed to drug all four of them in such a completely unintentional and roundabout manner that you might consider me as the almost-completely innocent bystander in this particular case."

Oreius and Ardon exchanged a look then they turned back to me with a rather strange look that I really would have preferred seeing them direct towards someone else. "Sepphora, are you quite certain that this was accidental?"

Hmm, for some reason the tone Oreius used when phrasing that question made me hesitate before answering. "Yes. Why?"

Ardon shrugged. "It just means that you will be exiled as opposed to what would happen if you had done this on purpose."

I'm well aware of the saying that curiosity killed the Kat but...I just couldn't help myself. "And, what would happen to me if say I _had_ done this on purpose?"

Oreius didn't even blink as he deadpanned, "Execution."

Oh. Yeah...I didn't like that option, not one little bit. I looked between the two Centaurs, "Riiight, I don't like that option. Let's go back to the other 'ex'...exile. You know, I like that option, especially since I get to live. This was completely accidental and definitely not on purpose to the point that I should be considered as the almost-completely innocent bystander."

Alithia turned to look at the three of us and shook her head at Ardon and Oreius. "Oh honestly, you two just leave her alone. The fact that their majesties sampled a sleeping draught is not her fault. They'll be fine once they sleep it off. However, Oreius, you might want to reconsider some of the survival lessons you've been teaching the Kings."

I loved having Alithia on my side. Oreius sighed, "And, exactly how long will it take for their majesties to sleep off the drug? The trade delegation from the Lone Islands is arriving in two days instead of on next Sixthday." They were? Oh no, I may have just unintentionally put the trade relationship between Narnia and her territory in danger...I hate Murphy.

Alithia glanced at me in slight sympathy (she probably guessed what I was thinking) before answering, "Oh, the rest of the day and perhaps even most of Seventhday, but they should be up and about in time to deal with the trade delegation." I immediately started praying she was right; otherwise, exile might not be the wonderful mercy I received…

Oreius sighed again before giving me a pointed look that pretty much promised that I would be in so much trouble if Firstday dawned and the Royals were still incapacitated. Actually, I expected to be in trouble even if they were up and about on Firstday. Ardon gave me a curious look, "If you were not planning on drugging the Four, who were you planning on giving that pot of drugged coffee to?"

I looked at him then at Alithia and Oreius who were also waiting to hear what I would say. I'm quite certain that Ardon knew exactly who I had been planning to drug. And, there was no way I was going to come out and say that I had intended to drug Oreius when Oreius was standing less than arm's reach away from me. Contrary to popular belief, my sense of self-preservation actually works just fine. "I'd rather not say at the moment."

Ardon looked down at me and I could see the laughter in his eyes as he rumbled, "Why is that?"

I propped my hands on my hips as I stared up at him and replied in the driest tone I could summon. "Because I suffer from moments of insanity, not moments of stupidity." Oreius actually twitched when I said that and I glared at him, "Say it, Kentauri, and I will throw a dagger at you."

Oreius held up his hands in a placating gesture, "I have no idea what you thought I was going to say, but that will be unnecessary. Now, come and help."

"Help with what?"

Oreius smirked, "We need to move the Royals to their quarters unless, of course, you want them to be passed out in your parlor until they finally wake up." Not really, no.

I ended up carrying Lucy, while Oreius grabbed Edmund, Ardon had Peter, and Alithia had Susan. Fortunately, for me (because I would have been blamed), we didn't run into anyone as we walked down the hall to one of the secret corridors that connected with the royal quarters. It turned out that Alithia had been correct in her estimates and the Four woke up after sleeping through the rest of Sixthday and most of Seventhday. Naturally, Susan had been less than thrilled to learn that she had less than twenty-four hours to oversee a welcoming banquet for the trade delegation (and this in addition to the plans for Peter's birthday the day after the trade delegation arrived). However, I think she thrives in such a time crunch...though I was wise enough to keep that observation to myself.

I was not exiled (although Oreius had taken the time to remind me that I was lucky in that regard considering what some of the inhabitants of Cair Paravel would have done to me if they had found out what happened) and no one scheduled my execution...yet, so I got off fairly easy. Admittedly, I did make a habit to no longer leave brewing pranks unsupervised in my rooms since one never knew when a Moment of Murphy might occur and absurdity ensue. For the mark of my first five months as a knight of Narnia, I thought things could have gone worse than the Royals drugging themselves on a pot of coffee I had prepared for a prank. Of course, the fact that Oreius did not retaliate in any manner (no extra training? I thought he was coming down with something) made me a little nervous, but as we approached the first anniversary of my arrival in Narnia, I figured he wasn't going to do anything after all... I was wrong and that's all I am going to say on the matter.

ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ

**A/N: Please Read and Review! This is the end of the Measured by Coffee, however, there is another one-shot coming just for how Oreius masterminded a way to get even with Katerina for all her pranks. Something to look forward to, yes? Click the little review button below and let me know what y'all thought about this chapter and if you have ideas for other stories/one-shots, leave them in a review or send me a PM and I shall do my best to fulfill the request. **


End file.
